Sunday, December 13, 2009

Try to Remember

2 months passed so fast.. It almost seemed like it was yesterday since I tendered my resignation...

What's next? What's new?

Next - I'm heading off to concentrate things that I wanted to do more.. and when the right opportunity lands on my head.. let's GO!

New - you know how messy my love life is - can never get it right. -- wait. that's not new.
hmm... let me tell you a story.

Ever felt like when you lean on someone - it's feels just right?
How he holds you in the arm, how he smiles, how he looked at you - melts your heart.
The way he whispers into your ear - I Love You... gives you the butterfly in stomach.
Nothing else matters in this world - you want to be selfish.
Everything seems right but wrong at the same time?
Your feelings is like thin glass in which will break any minute any seconds.

Do you then put everything on top of the glass knowing that it's going to break?
Do you then put everything at the bottom of the glass to support it when it breaks?

Heart tells you that this is it...
Brain tells you STOP THIS NOW.

Can I flip the coin?

Sunday, October 11, 2009


It’s me again! These few nights – I kept hearing her cry to herself. It’s quite sad for me, this time, she’s quite hurt. I still don’t know why. All I can do is just sit next to her to accompany her and tell her that she’s not alone.

I think she’s really fragile – she seemed so strong – because she tells her self everyday “Be strong Jolene”... but deep inside, she’s not.

I’ve been with her for 6 years now.. ever since I was the baby when she held onto me tight saying “Chai chai.. that’s going to be your name..” She looked into me with those dreamy eyes of hers, that moment of time – She was so happy. I miss those sets of eyes.

I don’t know what love is.. I guess it’s really tough – looking at how she goes through her tears whenever she’s not happy and sometimes she laughs in her dreams. But she should realize that there are so many other people who loves her in different way – but it’s still love.

She knows that... cause I see her talking to herself sometimes, I’ll never forget this moment I had with her... just few days ago.... She came home looking all tired .. “Baby, you know I love you, I know you know I’m sad. It’s just so tough in this world... I’m glad I have you to hug when I come home.” She lied next to me the same position I was lying down looking at me and fell asleep...


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Love Artist

Couldn’t sleep. Closed eyes but mind just thinking of him. Think about the shoulder that was just comfortable. The perfect scent that keeps you safe. Almost felt the gentle kiss on your cheek. Open eyes. You’re still here. Alone.

I start thinking about the last relationship that I was happy with and enjoyed that feeling of love... it was when I was in the long-distance “pen-pal” relationship. That feeling – when you’re just shining even though you just had the worst day in the world. That certain feeling that warms you up at night knowing that you have someone who loves you and cares for you. SIGH. It’s just so funny.

I watched the movie – Ugly Truth today. Brilliant movie I think. Lust – blue balls last you for 3 hours? Love – hurts you for 3 years. People laughed at that thought. It’s true though. It’s tough to draw that line between ‘lust relationship’ and ‘love relationship’. Which makes you happy deep inside?

I realize I’m in this mode where I get all mushy and lovey to a guy that does not exist. Symptoms includes when you’re making excuses for the guy’s absence in your life. You painted this romantic scenery where he in fact brought you to a dumpster. You cherish his 5 minutes call even though it was you that SMS him in the first place. You paint this love story that you began. You’re so engross about making it the perfect love story that you’re hidden between the lines of your own love story.

I realize that I was also happy when I was in the relationship with Mr. J – he was not physically here, but I painted that PERFECT boyfriend image in my head. Not saying he’s not good. But I want to point out that I was in fact happy painting that picture. Weird.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Self Realization Trip

For many years now, I've always read Archie's Comics and had that installed in my brain that "I wanna be like that when I grow up".

The highlight of my trip a month ago was the time I spent on the boat with this family & kids & not to mention - Dogs :)
It's awesome to own a boat - you get your own parking lot!

This is my favorite picture for this trip - it's just BEAUTIFUL... I miss it already!
Let's get started! The boat is moved onto the water...
Brilliant bridge system - it opens!!
I must introduce you to Henry (my "date") for this trip, I was his human seat belt, as the boat travels quite fast. I tell you - he's a keeper!This was along this river flow, thousands of paintings on the side with interesting writings. If I had the chance, I would write "Jolene is the best!"

Life.. is just ahead of you - and it's up to you how you want to live. I had loads of time to think about what I want in life. I want to travel! Backpacking... is something I've always wanted to do. It's time for me to make it come true again.
Muacks... xoxo

Monday, August 24, 2009

Just Say No!

In many instances, we often get flattered whenever we have guys going after ourselves. Many of us get more than 1 guy going after ourselves and we feel like it’s a trophy. Just like how guys would feel whenever they get a trophy girlfriend. It’s funny because when season is bad – meaning there’s no one going after yourself – you will find that you tend to appreciate the guy who is going after you. However, if there were more than 1 guy going after you – then you would weigh on which guy is better and you’ll tend to treat the one that you prefer better.

It’s also funny that sometimes, people play the “hard to get” game, a game in which you will find that the more she says no – the more fun it gets. Most guys like it – that it gives them that extra challenge to get the dream girl. Sometimes, it’s not “hard to get” – it’s just the girl doesn’t like you – ever thought of that? I bet! Then, the question is – how do you know it’s sincerely “NO THANKS” and not “Hard to get”?


Even though she doesn’t have a boyfriend – it does not mean she doesn’t have a sex life... When she’s talking to you about her sex life, please do ask her – “when was this?” just so you are clear she’s not hinting to you about her CURRENT sex life.

I used to be super good at saying no – there’s this guy who was the hero to everything. I remember him as the sweetest guy on earth. He’s the bad boy in college, super naughty, doesn’t like studying but loves gaming. He would buy me stuff all the time – bought me 2 strips of Vitagen (only white) as that’s my favourite drink in the world. He would buy me strawberries all the time, take taxi to fetch me everywhere. Flowers, teddy bear – BIG hug ones... But in the end I said NO. He said “gal, when you have a boyfriend, please tell me.” I replied “huh? but why?” He said “I want to ask him how he got you – I’ve tried every single way possible...”

I smile thinking about him – wonder where he is now... That’s not the story. How do you say NO to certain individual who is just so persistent and would not take NO for an answer?

Sunday, June 14, 2009


hi hi.. it's ME (chai chai)...It’s been a long time since I had the chance to write. She’s drunk. She told me that she went to this Media Specialist Award (MSA), had an exciting moment with some group that she didn’t like. She told me stories in which are like all over… I guess she’s really drunk. I don’t even know what’s Media Specialist Award – I know award… I wish got BEST CAT AWARD (BCA).

Nowadays, she’s home early and she’s been going for jogging – had more quality time with me. I love it!

Oh – back to the stories on her funny night out. She said that she went to the night out knowing that the fellas would be there as well, she wanted to “face” them. Just like how I wanted to “face” those birdies who always tease me – kuku kuku kuku. Damn birds!

She said she was very careful with drinks – so she swapped and made the guy drank the same drink that she drank for the rest of the night just so she can make sure that it wasn’t spiked! I think she’s quite clever.

Recently, I somehow injured my leg – so limping a bit, went to see doctor – hated doctors… touch here touch there – ask me to walk walk. Then made her buy me the cage for 1 week, so I can rest my leg. I know she cares about me a lot – but I hate it when I’m in the cage… Felt so weird.

From the doctor, we found out that I’m actually 6 years old already. Time flies!

Friday, June 5, 2009


A wise man shared with me this concept of “Tickles” – I would like to write an entry about this.

You lie awake looking at your partner sleeping, light of sunray suddenly shines over her face, the woman you love, the woman you share all the dirty secrets with, the woman who makes sure that your fever goes down by driving out to buy packets of ice in the middle of the night. Often or not, we always describe her as THE ONE, she who knows your favourite dish, she who knows your favourite TV programme, the one that leaves you alone when the Game is on. She understands you...

You suddenly remembers this flash back of the time where you look forward to make her smile, that very day where you had to be on your feet because if you don’t do anything at all, she’s going to be running off with a JERK. You cannot let that happen, you want to make her happy and have children with her, you wish for it that one day you lie down starring at her beauty as she falls asleep like this very moment.

Often, there’s HONEYMOON period, and there’s GET-TO-KNOW-EACH-OTHER-BETTER period, and then there’s GET OFF ME period. What about the SHE TICKLES MY BRAIN period? We used to think so much before doing anything, almost like playing chess. Thinking a few steps before to get the result that was predicted. Wise man said that the only way to happiness is to find that one person that Tickles you every day until he/she passes away. If you don’t find, you wouldn’t understand the meaning of BEING ALIVE.

K la – I find a vibrator... just change battery only. ^_^

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Feeling Lost

In many instances, I felt like a part of me went missing... A big part of me – the happy me where I’m bubbly as always... the part of me that is so confident that Nothing in this world is impossible... That ME is lost. Many would ask “but... WHY?”...

The one woman that I had most respect for (apart from my mom), the one person that I truly loved and care for was my Grandma. She who told bedtime stories, she who taught me how to be strong, she who stroke me to sleep when I was just a little girl. As I grew up, she stayed back in Penang with Uncle and it is always a good thing that we head down to Penang to visit her. As I drove back the other day – can’t help thinking that she’s not there anymore... that she won’t be smiling at me, chatting with me, telling me that I’m too old and no other guys want to marry me anymore... *sniff*.

My grandma – passed away at the age of 93 years old, the one thing I hate to admit or face the reality... as I kept repeating to myself “She promised she would be there at my Wedding...”. Sometimes, I tear to myself in the bathroom – thinking about how she was here and I didn’t have the time to spend some quality time with her. She must have been disappointed.

I’ve always put work in front of family – and now it’s too late to regret. I know deep down inside – I love her and she will be there for me during my wedding. Grandma, I missed you!

Monday, March 23, 2009

10 reasons

Since someone invented the 25 random things about yourself thingy on facebook... I've thought about my 10 random things about myself list today... But it's based on CSI...

10 Reasons why I cannot be a CSI:

1) I get stuck on the gate door - don't know how to open it.
2) I take photos of the evidence but forgot to put battery in the camera.
3) I talked to Victim A, Victim B.. then have the same conversation to Victim A again without realizing it.
4) I probably would mix up the blood sample and label them wrongly.
5) I'll sleep drive my way into the crime scene.
6) I would probably spill Milo onto the evidence that I collected.
7) I would accidently knock onto the corner of furniture while gathering evidence.
8) I'll probably start thinking of how to make a business out of what I'm doing.
9) I'm afraid of ants. SERIOUSLY.
10) I'll end up focusing on organizing my next rave party ~~ Knight Castle 09 ~

woot woot ^_^

Today is a special day for me. 23.03.09. I found out something that I wanted to hear all these while.
I am not a rebound.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Learn & Adapt

While I sat there in the dark on a chair with the paper in front that reads "Leo Idol 2009 Judges Form". I had a flash back, few years back, I was on the stage ... (NO, I wasn't the participant.. I was the MC)

I sat there watching one of the performance made me realize something rather important about being successful in business... I was watching this bunch of boys dancing. Do you always notice that group dance -- there's always one person in the group that is extremely good. As always, that one person tries to find people who are extremely passionate and people who can follow the steps well.

I sat there thinking... what if I wrote a book on how to be successful? And it's purely teaching you to adapt quickly. Learn and adapt - that's the key to be successful.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Valentine's Day

For the previous Valentine's Day in my life... it's always so exciting, so romantic, sweet.

This year.

I spent the morning preparing for my Love Hunt - in which we've pulled together in 2 weeks. I'll be honest here - it wasn't great.. compared to my last event (Massive Worldwide 2008).

Thereafter... it was a simple dinner with Mom & Brother then i had a date with my beloved BED.

Although it wasn't a fancy flower, gift, romantic dinner that cost a bomb... It was actually the best Valentine's Day I had. Doing the things I LOVE (events), spending good quality time with mom & bro discussing about relationship (my bro has a gf... !!). I had a good Valentine's Day.. I know I certainly enjoyed my beauty sleep.

I guess.. I'm growing to like my life right now. No Love - All Work. ^_^

Saturday, January 24, 2009

5 years ago

As I brushed my teeth, thinking about my last reply to Ms. Watever on my other blog entry...

I've changed.

5 years ago..
1. I don't curse at people
2. I have more patience
3. I am more innocent
4. I am more caring
5. I have more confidence
6. I am more active (living the day as though there's no tomorrow)
7. I am more positive
8. I can remember more things (recently lost my handphone.. and found it in my laptop bag - sillyme)
9. I am more gullible
10. I am thinner!

lol.. thinking to myself that did I change for better? or worst?

I think there's no better or worst... past is past... all my experience, friends & family, environment has taught me well. I might be more of a bitch now but deep down inside-- I am still Jolene. Yes - I have changed, that's to protect myself better and stand up for myself ^_^

So anyway- here's a toast to "Good year... Good health... Good wealth! Happy Chinese New Year!
Watch this video .. it made my day! Hope you guys enjoy ~~~

Monday, January 19, 2009

Don't ask

Funny. So many months passed by and suddenly I have this feeling of asking the ultimate question. “Have you ever cheated on me?”

I asked that to someone who once had the impact and connection with me – but it’s sad to only find out that the answer was YES.

How are you suppose to react to that? I know I shouldn’t be asking this question in the first place. But I’ve already asked and it’s already answered.

Next month – it would be our 1 year anniversary (if we didn't break up). Memory brings me back to the good old days – where he just know what I want to say ... or we said the same thing the same time.... I remembered whenever he called me I would be so happy. It's weird cause we've already moved on with life and then only to find out recently...

He feels guilty.
I feel sad.

Sometimes, it’s best to not ask. ^_^