Try to Remember

2 months passed so fast.. It almost seemed like it was yesterday since I tendered my resignation...

What's next? What's new?

Next - I'm heading off to concentrate things that I wanted to do more.. and when the right opportunity lands on my head.. let's GO!

New - you know how messy my love life is - can never get it right. -- wait. that's not new.
hmm... let me tell you a story.

Ever felt like when you lean on someone - it's feels just right?
How he holds you in the arm, how he smiles, how he looked at you - melts your heart.
The way he whispers into your ear - I Love You... gives you the butterfly in stomach.
Nothing else matters in this world - you want to be selfish.
Everything seems right but wrong at the same time?
Your feelings is like thin glass in which will break any minute any seconds.

Do you then put everything on top of the glass knowing that it's going to break?
Do you then put everything at the bottom of the glass to support it when it breaks?

Heart tells you that this is it...
Brain tells you STOP THIS NOW.

Can I flip the coin?

111009

It’s me again! These few nights – I kept hearing her cry to herself. It’s quite sad for me, this time, she’s quite hurt. I still don’t know why. All I can do is just sit next to her to accompany her and tell her that she’s not alone.

I think she’s really fragile – she seemed so strong – because she tells her self everyday “Be strong Jolene”... but deep inside, she’s not.

I’ve been with her for 6 years now.. ever since I was the baby when she held onto me tight saying “Chai chai.. that’s going to be your name..” She looked into me with those dreamy eyes of hers, that moment of time – She was so happy. I miss those sets of eyes.

I don’t know what love is.. I guess it’s really tough – looking at how she goes through her tears whenever she’s not happy and sometimes she laughs in her dreams. But she should realize that there are so many other people who loves her in different way – but it’s still love.

She knows that... cause I see her talking to herself sometimes, I’ll never forget this moment I had with her... just few days ago.... She came home looking all tired .. “Baby, you know I love you, I know you know I’m sad. It’s just so tough in this world... I’m glad I have you to hug when I come home.” She lied next to me the same position I was lying down looking at me and fell asleep...

XOXO

Love Artist

Couldn’t sleep. Closed eyes but mind just thinking of him. Think about the shoulder that was just comfortable. The perfect scent that keeps you safe. Almost felt the gentle kiss on your cheek. Open eyes. You’re still here. Alone.

I start thinking about the last relationship that I was happy with and enjoyed that feeling of love... it was when I was in the long-distance “pen-pal” relationship. That feeling – when you’re just shining even though you just had the worst day in the world. That certain feeling that warms you up at night knowing that you have someone who loves you and cares for you. SIGH. It’s just so funny.

I watched the movie – Ugly Truth today. Brilliant movie I think. Lust – blue balls last you for 3 hours? Love – hurts you for 3 years. People laughed at that thought. It’s true though. It’s tough to draw that line between ‘lust relationship’ and ‘love relationship’. Which makes you happy deep inside?

I realize I’m in this mode where I get all mushy and lovey to a guy that does not exist. Symptoms includes when you’re making excuses for the guy’s absence in your life. You painted this romantic scenery where he in fact brought you to a dumpster. You cherish his 5 minutes call even though it was you that SMS him in the first place. You paint this love story that you began. You’re so engross about making it the perfect love story that you’re hidden between the lines of your own love story.

I realize that I was also happy when I was in the relationship with Mr. J – he was not physically here, but I painted that PERFECT boyfriend image in my head. Not saying he’s not good. But I want to point out that I was in fact happy painting that picture. Weird.