HE is just NOT into you!

It's often that human beings are just not reading each other right.. It's also often that human beings are just different and the perception of things are just simply ... DIFFERENT.

I've derived a couple of "insights" according to myself to show female thought process of several situations... (well.. I'm not speaking on behalf of all female population here.. let me just quote that).

1) Situation : You guys seem to get along pretty well.. and you are just waiting for the next date. But.. HE DOESN'T CALL. What does that mean?

What a girl would do - is to make thousands and thousands of excuse to herself about him not calling. (Excuse Thought Process - ETP)
"He's probably busy with parents. He's probably working on a project that is very important. He's probably hanging out with friends.. His friend is probably in trouble and it's too complicated to even explain. He'll call when he's free."
2 days later...
"He's probably has another date to attend to.. He's travelling? Maybe I should just dial his number to see whether he's in town. But that's no good. That would make me look desperate. Need to have my "mojo". He'll call when it's the right time."
Saw him with another girl...
"She's probably his client.. quite hot though I must say. She is thinner than me.. She has nice hair. Let's just Facebook her and find out whether she's single or not. Hmm.. she has a lot of photos taken with him... They look good together. It's okay.. they are not together officially on facebook. He'll call me when he's heart broken."

ADVICE : HE is just NOT into you!

2) Situation : You went out couple of dates.. and it was good! Happy dates - good company. But you start to notice the pattern - that if you don't initiate the conversation.. he won't. But if you do - he continues to have a chat with you.

ETP : Wait. He connects with you when you talk to him - that's the point! Who cares about who initiate it first? He is TALKING to you isn't he? So what if we initiate the conversation MOST of the time.. er.. hmmm.. when is the last time he initiated? ... But he bought the dinner and drinks.. if he's not interested why would he waste his money? He told you that he thinks of you when he wakes up.... Think again.. it was you that initiated the question - Who did you think of when you wake up?

ADVICE : HE is just NOT into you!

3) Situation : You SMS and he doesn't reply. You are stuck in this fantasy world where the previous things that happened - stayed and you don't want to accept what's the REALITY.

ETP: "He told me he loves me.. He told me I was the woman that wants he wants to have his kids.. He told me he's not playing. He told me time is just not right... He wants to focus into achieving something else first before being with me. He said that he wants to bring me to a holiday and ask me to focus into that."

ADVICE : HE is just NOT into you ... ANYMORE.

Try to Remember

2 months passed so fast.. It almost seemed like it was yesterday since I tendered my resignation...

What's next? What's new?

Next - I'm heading off to concentrate things that I wanted to do more.. and when the right opportunity lands on my head.. let's GO!

New - you know how messy my love life is - can never get it right. -- wait. that's not new.
hmm... let me tell you a story.

Ever felt like when you lean on someone - it's feels just right?
How he holds you in the arm, how he smiles, how he looked at you - melts your heart.
The way he whispers into your ear - I Love You... gives you the butterfly in stomach.
Nothing else matters in this world - you want to be selfish.
Everything seems right but wrong at the same time?
Your feelings is like thin glass in which will break any minute any seconds.

Do you then put everything on top of the glass knowing that it's going to break?
Do you then put everything at the bottom of the glass to support it when it breaks?

Heart tells you that this is it...
Brain tells you STOP THIS NOW.

Can I flip the coin?

Love Artist

Couldn’t sleep. Closed eyes but mind just thinking of him. Think about the shoulder that was just comfortable. The perfect scent that keeps you safe. Almost felt the gentle kiss on your cheek. Open eyes. You’re still here. Alone.

I start thinking about the last relationship that I was happy with and enjoyed that feeling of love... it was when I was in the long-distance “pen-pal” relationship. That feeling – when you’re just shining even though you just had the worst day in the world. That certain feeling that warms you up at night knowing that you have someone who loves you and cares for you. SIGH. It’s just so funny.

I watched the movie – Ugly Truth today. Brilliant movie I think. Lust – blue balls last you for 3 hours? Love – hurts you for 3 years. People laughed at that thought. It’s true though. It’s tough to draw that line between ‘lust relationship’ and ‘love relationship’. Which makes you happy deep inside?

I realize I’m in this mode where I get all mushy and lovey to a guy that does not exist. Symptoms includes when you’re making excuses for the guy’s absence in your life. You painted this romantic scenery where he in fact brought you to a dumpster. You cherish his 5 minutes call even though it was you that SMS him in the first place. You paint this love story that you began. You’re so engross about making it the perfect love story that you’re hidden between the lines of your own love story.

I realize that I was also happy when I was in the relationship with Mr. J – he was not physically here, but I painted that PERFECT boyfriend image in my head. Not saying he’s not good. But I want to point out that I was in fact happy painting that picture. Weird.

Just Say No!

In many instances, we often get flattered whenever we have guys going after ourselves. Many of us get more than 1 guy going after ourselves and we feel like it’s a trophy. Just like how guys would feel whenever they get a trophy girlfriend. It’s funny because when season is bad – meaning there’s no one going after yourself – you will find that you tend to appreciate the guy who is going after you. However, if there were more than 1 guy going after you – then you would weigh on which guy is better and you’ll tend to treat the one that you prefer better.

It’s also funny that sometimes, people play the “hard to get” game, a game in which you will find that the more she says no – the more fun it gets. Most guys like it – that it gives them that extra challenge to get the dream girl. Sometimes, it’s not “hard to get” – it’s just the girl doesn’t like you – ever thought of that? I bet! Then, the question is – how do you know it’s sincerely “NO THANKS” and not “Hard to get”?

Instances:

Even though she doesn’t have a boyfriend – it does not mean she doesn’t have a sex life... When she’s talking to you about her sex life, please do ask her – “when was this?” just so you are clear she’s not hinting to you about her CURRENT sex life.

I used to be super good at saying no – there’s this guy who was the hero to everything. I remember him as the sweetest guy on earth. He’s the bad boy in college, super naughty, doesn’t like studying but loves gaming. He would buy me stuff all the time – bought me 2 strips of Vitagen (only white) as that’s my favourite drink in the world. He would buy me strawberries all the time, take taxi to fetch me everywhere. Flowers, teddy bear – BIG hug ones... But in the end I said NO. He said “gal, when you have a boyfriend, please tell me.” I replied “huh? but why?” He said “I want to ask him how he got you – I’ve tried every single way possible...”

I smile thinking about him – wonder where he is now... That’s not the story. How do you say NO to certain individual who is just so persistent and would not take NO for an answer?

Tickles

A wise man shared with me this concept of “Tickles” – I would like to write an entry about this.

You lie awake looking at your partner sleeping, light of sunray suddenly shines over her face, the woman you love, the woman you share all the dirty secrets with, the woman who makes sure that your fever goes down by driving out to buy packets of ice in the middle of the night. Often or not, we always describe her as THE ONE, she who knows your favourite dish, she who knows your favourite TV programme, the one that leaves you alone when the Game is on. She understands you...

You suddenly remembers this flash back of the time where you look forward to make her smile, that very day where you had to be on your feet because if you don’t do anything at all, she’s going to be running off with a JERK. You cannot let that happen, you want to make her happy and have children with her, you wish for it that one day you lie down starring at her beauty as she falls asleep like this very moment.

Often, there’s HONEYMOON period, and there’s GET-TO-KNOW-EACH-OTHER-BETTER period, and then there’s GET OFF ME period. What about the SHE TICKLES MY BRAIN period? We used to think so much before doing anything, almost like playing chess. Thinking a few steps before to get the result that was predicted. Wise man said that the only way to happiness is to find that one person that Tickles you every day until he/she passes away. If you don’t find, you wouldn’t understand the meaning of BEING ALIVE.

K la – I find a vibrator... just change battery only. ^_^

Feeling Lost

In many instances, I felt like a part of me went missing... A big part of me – the happy me where I’m bubbly as always... the part of me that is so confident that Nothing in this world is impossible... That ME is lost. Many would ask “but... WHY?”...

The one woman that I had most respect for (apart from my mom), the one person that I truly loved and care for was my Grandma. She who told bedtime stories, she who taught me how to be strong, she who stroke me to sleep when I was just a little girl. As I grew up, she stayed back in Penang with Uncle and it is always a good thing that we head down to Penang to visit her. As I drove back the other day – can’t help thinking that she’s not there anymore... that she won’t be smiling at me, chatting with me, telling me that I’m too old and no other guys want to marry me anymore... *sniff*.

My grandma – passed away at the age of 93 years old, the one thing I hate to admit or face the reality... as I kept repeating to myself “She promised she would be there at my Wedding...”. Sometimes, I tear to myself in the bathroom – thinking about how she was here and I didn’t have the time to spend some quality time with her. She must have been disappointed.

I’ve always put work in front of family – and now it’s too late to regret. I know deep down inside – I love her and she will be there for me during my wedding. Grandma, I missed you!

10 reasons

Since someone invented the 25 random things about yourself thingy on facebook... I've thought about my 10 random things about myself list today... But it's based on CSI...

10 Reasons why I cannot be a CSI:

1) I get stuck on the gate door - don't know how to open it.
2) I take photos of the evidence but forgot to put battery in the camera.
3) I talked to Victim A, Victim B.. then have the same conversation to Victim A again without realizing it.
4) I probably would mix up the blood sample and label them wrongly.
5) I'll sleep drive my way into the crime scene.
6) I would probably spill Milo onto the evidence that I collected.
7) I would accidently knock onto the corner of furniture while gathering evidence.
8) I'll probably start thinking of how to make a business out of what I'm doing.
9) I'm afraid of ants. SERIOUSLY.
10) I'll end up focusing on organizing my next rave party ~~ Knight Castle 09 ~ www.knightcastle09.com

woot woot ^_^

Today is a special day for me. 23.03.09. I found out something that I wanted to hear all these while.
I am not a rebound.

Learn & Adapt

While I sat there in the dark on a chair with the paper in front that reads "Leo Idol 2009 Judges Form". I had a flash back, few years back, I was on the stage ... (NO, I wasn't the participant.. I was the MC)

I sat there watching one of the performance made me realize something rather important about being successful in business... I was watching this bunch of boys dancing. Do you always notice that group dance -- there's always one person in the group that is extremely good. As always, that one person tries to find people who are extremely passionate and people who can follow the steps well.

I sat there thinking... what if I wrote a book on how to be successful? And it's purely teaching you to adapt quickly. Learn and adapt - that's the key to be successful.

Valentine's Day

For the previous Valentine's Day in my life... it's always so exciting, so romantic, sweet.

This year.

I spent the morning preparing for my Love Hunt - in which we've pulled together in 2 weeks. I'll be honest here - it wasn't great.. compared to my last event (Massive Worldwide 2008).

Thereafter... it was a simple dinner with Mom & Brother then i had a date with my beloved BED.

Although it wasn't a fancy flower, gift, romantic dinner that cost a bomb... It was actually the best Valentine's Day I had. Doing the things I LOVE (events), spending good quality time with mom & bro discussing about relationship (my bro has a gf... !!). I had a good Valentine's Day.. I know I certainly enjoyed my beauty sleep.

I guess.. I'm growing to like my life right now. No Love - All Work. ^_^

5 years ago

As I brushed my teeth, thinking about my last reply to Ms. Watever on my other blog entry...

I've changed.

5 years ago..
1. I don't curse at people
2. I have more patience
3. I am more innocent
4. I am more caring
5. I have more confidence
6. I am more active (living the day as though there's no tomorrow)
7. I am more positive
8. I can remember more things (recently lost my handphone.. and found it in my laptop bag - sillyme)
9. I am more gullible
10. I am thinner!

lol.. thinking to myself that did I change for better? or worst?

I think there's no better or worst... past is past... all my experience, friends & family, environment has taught me well. I might be more of a bitch now but deep down inside-- I am still Jolene. Yes - I have changed, that's to protect myself better and stand up for myself ^_^

So anyway- here's a toast to "Good year... Good health... Good wealth! Happy Chinese New Year!
Watch this video .. it made my day! Hope you guys enjoy ~~~

Don't ask

Funny. So many months passed by and suddenly I have this feeling of asking the ultimate question. “Have you ever cheated on me?”

I asked that to someone who once had the impact and connection with me – but it’s sad to only find out that the answer was YES.

How are you suppose to react to that? I know I shouldn’t be asking this question in the first place. But I’ve already asked and it’s already answered.

Next month – it would be our 1 year anniversary (if we didn't break up). Memory brings me back to the good old days – where he just know what I want to say ... or we said the same thing the same time.... I remembered whenever he called me I would be so happy. It's weird cause we've already moved on with life and then only to find out recently...

He feels guilty.
I feel sad.

Sometimes, it’s best to not ask. ^_^

Take more risk!

Yo yo yo~~~ Yes. I've been busy. Yes - I'm suppose to update what business did I venture into... Yes - I miss blogging... :)

Recently, I've learnt a lesson thru some activities I did... The event "ShootZ" - bring your sibblings for paintball ~~ all 14 of us went to paintball in Subang. AWESOME! sniff - didn't take a lot of pictures... coz I was busy holding my gunnn!!!

Must tell story... SO~ I was the last woman standing in my group... 3 more pallets, 2 guys .. one on the right. one on the left... i was hiding in between two stacked up tires... and my gun -- aRGH... stuck! ... pullng the handle down to fix it..didn't work... *panic*... and the guy on my right was coming closer... and shot~ manage to avoid the bullet... *matrix moment* ... sigh.. gun still stuck.. dont care ... I jumped out with my faulty gun and scare the guy - he went to hide behind the tree seeing me jump out suddenly.

*phew*.. that will buy me some time... *fixing the gun*.. arghhhh... the gun died. stupid gun.

IF ONLY THE GUN WAS WORKING...
Shot the guy on my right with 1 pallet... roll on the floor to up-shoot the guy on the left with 2 pallets. woot woot... then i can blog "a girl shot 2 'SG NS' guys with 3 pallets left".... woot woot

Truth is that - in the end... got a close range shoulder shot by the guy on my left. sniff. ouch. Moral of the story: No matter what you tell to people, the end result is that you will get shot. Always best to take the risk and WIN proudly!

These are the only 2 pictures I have ~sniff~ Yes. Poor him - kena strapped by a silver tape - early in the morning!! lolx... yes. very bulu-ed.
I was also in Hennessy Artistry - and again.. didn't take much pictures coz I was busy with drinking - love the Hawaii Drink. That's some awesome shit.
So I should take more risk........ hmmm... a point to myself.

back to basics

yes - i have ventured into opening my own business ~~ together with Ben, we will be organizing something HUGE in December 2008. Will update later >.<>

Now, I am working in the morning and evening and saturday and sundays.... whenever i hav free time. Recently, met up with a lot of our long lost college friends... and thinking the good old days.

Remember - how we used to carry the plastic folders to class? Waking up -- thinking what to wear -- today is Accounting class - that hottie is in the class - so must wear a bit nicer ~~ Studying in library for exams with friends, doing group research, smoking breaks (I don't smoke!), illegal parking coz too lazy to take the stupid bus, last minute assignments, group presentation.... my my.. how time just pass by so fast.

I went on a date recently - and it made me realize that you know -- it's rare to find guys still treating ladies as though it was their first date of their life... the planning of when she steps into the car - surprising her with flowers... (old fashion? sweet .. i think)... getting the doors for her, making sure the booking is confirmed, the usual *sweat* panic-but-macho look, preparing what questions to ask... lolx... u know the drill ~ but we all seems to grow out of it... as we grow older - does that mean romance is fading? the butterflies in stomach feeling is gone? no more flowers?

I'm not saying that we should always treat everything as though it was the first time doing.. but it's nice to have that once in a while :) thanks date ~~ for making me feel like back to basics ~~ u know who you are...

sweet + heart

When we were kids, mom used to tell us Sweets are bad for your teeth, if you eat more, your teeth will grow black black one... then not pretty anymore.

But, to think of it now - we understand the logic of tat concern.

Ever had this feeling before?

You have a fuzzy feeling towards someone, you also know that you don't want to trust your feelings anymore. You tell yourself, no no... you're not going to think about it. When you listen to love songs, you think about him again. You slap yourself - concentrate!! You have lunch with friends, they talk about Him, heart twitched... You think logically (relationship are just expensive, dinners/dates/phonebills, soooo much effort!)

The usual heart & head debate. Ulimately, no one is going to win.

But weirdly, this debate last longer now than when we were kids - we would just ignore mom's nag and even steal the sweet and stuff it in our mouth before she turns around.

merdeka ~~ merdeka ~~

Sure it's been a while since I blogged about an event ~~ proudly to say - I found some Afternoon Events to go to - healthy (non-alchoholic) events.

Saw the advert from Astro, that's what I've been drowning myself lately (best friends with TV/Food/Bed/Cat/Water/Books).

The ministry is organizing a day where all women (and some interested men) join together to exchange thoughts/opinions about "Teaming Up to Make a Difference" It was a big eye-opener for me - as it was my first time in this Summit.

It started at 9am, registration was overwhelmed - I never expected so many women from different background took time to attend this event. Most of the ladies I met own their own business - as for me - I was on MC.

YB Dato Ng Yen Yen (Ministy for Women, Family & Community Dev Msia) & YAB Dato Sri Mohd Najib bin Tun Abdul Razak (Deputy Prime Minister of Msia) was there to officiate the event.

She was brave in her speech as she talked about reviewing policies, about % of women to be part of the Board of Directors in Private & Public companies and even the extend about the Women Toilet - (Baby rooms are only found in the female bathroom? It should be in both sex, or create a common area for both parents to be allowed in baby bathroom) *woot woot* I was impressed with his keynote speech, he sums up whatever Dato Ng Yen Yen had directly and indirectly requested in a very thoughtful manner. I also attended another event in the afternoon - which is something I am passionate about - Training in general. I was invited to be a Regional Lecturer for LEOs in Region 4, I will be training kids (12-28 yrs old) around Selangor area about our CLD (Continuous LEO Development) Programme. That's just awesome!

I can't wait til Merdeka ~~ 31st August 2008 - that's the independence day of Malaysia as well as the most important thing in the world - MY prison break day ~~ I can finally socialize in the evening..

WATCH OUT Y'ALL~~ I'm BACK!!!

*sniff* still got 7 more days to go...

On a side note. (this is for my book)

If I were to rename myself ~~ What name would you name me?

Someone suggested Andrea.

Bali Trip Part 2 - Ubud

Benefits of Tan:
1) Blush – cannot see
2) Blue black – not so visible
3) Theory of wearing black – you tend to look thinner

I told my mom the third reason, she looked at me ... and she laughed. That laugh was just so picture-perfect...which makes my day.
As mentioned, I visited the Cultural place in Bali - UBUD. Loveeeeeeeeeeed it there.

This is the Gua Gajah that is all famous

Sculptures of arts... and tons of sculptures on e wall.

You have to be wearing a Sarong while going in this sacred place.

Ladies - if you have period - you are not able to visit this place at all.

This is the fountain of spring - where you cleanse yourself to good health and future.. This was inside the cave - where the elephant god sat... there's 3 of them in there.. all wearing sarong.
pathway to walk into the gua very dark.

A girl said "Arghh.. i'm clusterphobic..." looks around.. laughs to herself.

I just smiled. Why do ppl do that? say the most obvious things and laughs to the statement.This apparently - are ancestors who died and people who died... and stacking stone are a way to remember them.
nice Jolene angle - (tilted...)
Resident Temples in Ubud, the women have to be in sarong. I loveeeeeeeeeee this shot. I love the architecture of the temples.. just can't get enough of it.

Wanted to sketch.. but didn' have time... :(

this is something I admire a lot. just plain green and look at the pattern... of the planted....

what-cha-ma-call-it

I had the priviledge to attend Balinese Batch-funeral.

This old woman's hair is like Lemur's tail.this was the detailed items displayed on the each family table for the ceremony. They burn the body into ashes... and place it into a coconut.
then, using decorative flowers to place on top of the coconut...
wife will carry the ash to the nearest ocean/river to let it free..
Overall, I loved the cultural things I saw, and I loved the morning walk... it was simply lovely.
Love the fact that i club for fREE!!!

how do you classify as regular guests?Still i find this picture disturbing.... still ..